Tuesday,
April 7, 2009
Holding Hands in The
Forest of Love
At one
point during the play we attended on an off-day, Ellie brushed her elbow up
against mine and I wasnÕt sure what to make of it. After all, we were
just supposed to be hanging out, right? I mean, we were in time-out mode;
we were not, at that moment conceptually enraptured with one another. And
yet I felt that I really should try and hold her hand, or at least link position
my forearm in such a way that it would rest lightly against hers. But, I
asked myself, is that what I really want? I didnÕt know.
We had
kissed quite a few times before-- made out, even-- but it was all
conceptual, all part of being within our roles. Everything was so
clear and easy. But now, yikes! Were we on a real date
this time? Or were we just hanging out? And either way, what
significance would holding hands have? Without the conceptual shield, all
bets are off.
This
experience is teaching me a lot about the value of dating rituals. If
youÕre on a date, and both parties recognize it as such, then a great amount of
communication has already been achieved. The two of you, ostensibly,
are playing roles, and as long as you play them well, the date should be
considered a success. Behaviors that would seem totally inappropriate for
near-strangers to engage in are suddenly completely within the realm of
possibility when that "DATE" label is stamped on to the interaction. Sexuality
and romantic attachment can volitile things, and society has its ways of
controlling them. Lots of people use alcohol as a sort of a loophole, but
alcohol-fueled hookups are as much as a societally-perscribed ritual as the dinner-and-a-movie
date.
ItÕs
just amazing how comforting these rituals can be. People like playing
these parts-- that's more clear to me now than ever before. I guess that,
in spite of all my reservations, I sort of like playing them too. These
dating rituals provide us with a way of managing our emotions and desires,
which is a pretty appealing thing. The Forest of Love is a much darker
and more foreboding place if they're not there to mark our trail.
Posted by
zach at 11:55 PM
1 COMMENTS:
Ellie
Brown said...
Is it possible to date without any of the perscribed social norms and
progressions? Are we so socialized that we would even notice that we are or are
not partaking in these things?